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The Idea Of Love

Written while laying down on my bed; after rewatching bridgerton for the 5th time. It's weird. I see people falling in love; some last quite long, some just..meh. One day, my bestfriend, my roommate got herself a boyfriend and just like that all the routine night convos gone, I did not blame her though. When you're in love your whole body burns for that one person, tingling all along just by the thought of their names. Oh what I would give to experience that; the devotion for just one person, having the one by my side (my hopeless romantic self wanted to write forever but..). Is it supposed to be this hard? Is love that hard to be embraced?  If I'm being completely honest, I know that beauty is not my lack. I promise this is not a mere gloating, I really am pretty though. and to be transparent, I'm a smart girl(yo girl's under scholarship bro) but there is that one thing that I still can't comprehend as to why I can't see myself being genuinely loved by othe

How Anxiety Feels

 Thu 17 Feb 9.19 pm A Messy Thoughts Messy Writings Hi I'm a 19 year old girl, and as I am writing this I cant help but feel anxious as to how I want to word my feelings. There are these voices in my head whispering yelling to me saying that I'm not worth it but it's not just that, it is just very hard for me to structure those things that have been going on in my head.and I read that when you're feeling anxious, write. So I wrote. In hope that I'll find the part of me that's been missing. or is it never really lost, shes just uncomplete and broken. I knew, I always knew that I was an anxious girl. The thoughts of others perceiving her as if they're waiting for her to fall have been wandering her mind since she was 5. A little girl deseprately hurting but was told to surpress her feelings because it was the "right thing" to do. That little 5 year old is still here very much alive in that 19 year old her. Woke up everyday yearning for some knights t